🦀 Welcome to CrabMan's Crustacean Paradise!! 🦀

Hello and WELCOME to my homepage!! My name is CrabMan (real name: Gerald) and I have been obsessed with crabs since I was 6 years old when I found a hermit crab on the beach in Galveston, TX. That crab changed my life forever. I named him Captain Pinch and he lived for 7 years.

This website is dedicated to ALL THINGS CRAB. Here you will find crab facts, crab photos, crab stories, and MUCH more!! I update this site every week (when my AOL connection works lol).

PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT the CrabMan from the TV show. I was CrabMan FIRST (since 1997). Please stop emailing me about this.

🚧 UNDER CONSTRUCTION 🚧 More crab content coming soon!! 🚧

🏆✨ CRAB OF THE MONTH — MARCH 1999 ✨🏆

🦀

BUSTER the Coconut Crab

For his daring dishwasher expedition on March 3rd AND his successful scaling of the refrigerator on March 8th. Two escapes in one month!! A new personal record. Sandra is less impressed but the judges (me) have spoken.

Previous winners: Captain Pinch II (Feb), Mr. Snips (Jan), The Professor (Dec — won for "most judgmental stare")

🚨 BUSTER ESCAPE TRACKER 🚨

Days since Buster's last escape:

0
STATUS: AT LARGE (PROBABLY)

Total escapes recorded: 47 | Record time free: 3 days 14 hours (found in neighbor's pool)

Sandra has asked me to stop tracking this. I will not.

🦀 About CrabMan (Gerald) 🦀

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Artist's rendition of Gerald
(my scanner is broken)

Name: Gerald "CrabMan" Hutchins
Age: 34 (it's always 1999 here)
Location: Galveston, TX
Occupation: IT Support (day job) / Crab Enthusiast (REAL job)
Favorite Crab: Blue Crab (Callinectes sapidus) — the KING
Crabs Currently Owned: 14 (6 hermits, 3 fiddlers, 2 halloween crabs, 2 red claws, 1 coconut crab named Buster)
Marital Status: Married to Sandra (she tolerates the crabs)
Email:

Sandra says I have "too many crabs" but I told her there is no such thing. She didn't think that was funny. Buster escaped his enclosure again last Tuesday and Sandra found him in the dishwasher. She was not happy but I thought it was pretty cool that he figured out how to open it. Smart boy!!

🦀 AMAZING CRAB FACTS!! 🦀

Did you know?? Crabs are the MOST interesting creatures on Earth!! Here are some facts I have collected over 23 years of crab research:

#AMAZING FACTSOURCE
1Crabs have been around for 200 MILLION years. They were here before the dinosaurs and they will be here after us.Encyclopedia Britannica
2There are over 6,800 species of crabs. I intend to learn about ALL of them.Marine Biology Today
3The Japanese Spider Crab has a leg span of 12 FEET. I would very much like to meet one someday.National Geographic
4Crabs walk sideways because of the way their legs bend. Sandra says this is "not that interesting" but she is WRONG.CrabMan personal research
5Hermit crabs form "vacancy chains" to swap shells in order of size. This is basically communism and it WORKS.BBC Documentary
6Coconut crabs can crack coconuts with their claws. Buster once cracked my reading glasses. Same energy.Personal experience
7Horseshoe crab blood is BLUE and worth $60,000 per gallon. It is used to test for bacteria in medical equipment. Crabs are literally saving your life.Atlantic magazine
8CARCINIZATION: Evolution keeps independently making things into crabs. At least 5 separate times. Nature WANTS crabs. This is scientific PROOF that crabs are the ideal form.Evolutionary Biology quarterly
9The Pea Crab is the smallest crab in the world at only a few millimeters. I have never seen one in person and it haunts me.Marine research journal
10Christmas Island has an annual migration of 50 MILLION red crabs. I WILL see this before I die. Sandra said "we'll see" which means no but I'm going anyway.Discovery Channel

>>> If you have a crab fact I don't have listed PLEASE email me at crabman97@geocities.com!! I will add it and credit you!! <<<

🦀 My Crab Collection 🦀

Photos of my actual crabs!! (Loading may take a while on 56k, sorry!!)

🦀

Captain Pinch II
Hermit crab. Named after the original. Just as brave.
🦀

Buster
Coconut crab. The dishwasher incident. Very smart.
🦀

Mr. Snips
Fiddler crab. Has the biggest claw of the bunch.
🦀

Sandra Jr.
Named to earn brownie points. Did not work.
🦀

The Professor
Halloween crab. Watches me work. Judging.
🦀

Tiny
Ironic name. Largest fiddler I've ever seen.

Note: Photos are actually just crab emojis because my scanner broke in 1998 and the CompUSA near me closed. If anyone in the Galveston area has a working HP ScanJet please email me.

🦀 CrabMan's Crab Diary 🦀

[03/08/99] Buster escaped AGAIN. Found him on top of the refrigerator this time. How does he get up there?? He's 4 pounds!!

[03/01/99] Sandra's birthday. Got her a necklace with a crab pendant. She said "of course you did." I think she liked it.

[02/22/99] Mr. Snips molted!! His new shell is even more beautiful. I cried a little. Sandra walked in during the crying part. She left without saying anything.

[02/15/99] Valentine's Day. Took Sandra to Red Lobster. She thought it was romantic. I mostly wanted to look at the lobster tank and discuss crustacean welfare with the manager. Sandra drove home in silence.

[02/08/99] Someone on the Crustacean Webring said my site has "too much information about crabs." THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

[02/01/99] Captain Pinch II climbed out of his tank and fell into my coffee mug. He is fine. The coffee was cold anyway. I still drank it. Sandra saw and said "Gerald, what the hell."

[01/25/99] Saw a blue crab at the pet store. Name tag said "Carl." Spent 40 minutes telling the employee everything wrong with Carl's enclosure. Got asked to leave. Carl deserved better.

[01/18/99] Dreamed I was a crab. Best dream I've ever had. Woke up and tried to walk sideways to the bathroom. Hit the doorframe.

[01/10/99] Sandra found my Christmas Island savings fund. She asked "is this why we can't fix the roof?" I said "Sandra, 50 million crabs." She did not understand.

[01/03/99] NEW YEAR!! My resolution: document 100 new crab species on this website. Sandra's resolution: "fewer crabs in the house." We'll see who wins.

💕 Sandra's Corner 💕

Gerald asked me to "contribute content" to this website. So here is my corner.

Hello I am Sandra, Gerald's wife. I have lived with crabs (both the animals and the man who calls himself CrabMan) for 11 years. Here are some things Gerald will not tell you:

  • Our bathroom has been "temporarily" converted into a crab habitat since 1996. We use the neighbor's shower.
  • Gerald once turned down a promotion because it would "interfere with crab feeding schedules."
  • He talks to the crabs. They do not talk back. He insists they communicate through "claw gestures."
  • Our honeymoon was in Maryland. Because of the crabs. He told me it was for the "scenery."
  • I found Buster in my purse last week. Gerald said Buster "wanted to go shopping." I cried a little.
  • He has a framed photo of a crab on his nightstand. It is bigger than our wedding photo.

I love Gerald. I do not love the crabs. But I accept that they are a package deal. — Sandra, March 1999

>>> Read my full blog: Sandra's Kitchen <<<

Gerald's note: Sandra is exaggerating about most of this. The bathroom is only HALF converted.

📧 CrabMan's AOL Inbox 📧

You shouldn't be reading my emails but Gerald left this page open and walked away to feed Buster. — Sandra

📫 AOL Mail — crabman97@aol.com — 7 new messages
Dave (BlueCrab) RE: RE: RE: Is the horseshoe crab a REAL crab?? 03/08/99
Sandra GERALD COME HOME 03/08/99
CrustaceanSociety Your membership renewal is 4 months overdue 03/07/99
CompUSA Deals HOT DEALS! HP ScanJet 50% off this week only!! 03/06/99
xXShellMasterXx your site changed my life 03/05/99
Gerald's Boss RE: Why were you looking at crabs during the meeting 03/04/99
Sandra Buster is in the dishwasher again 03/03/99
PetSmart You have been banned from this location 03/01/99
Mom Gerald are you eating enough? Also please stop sending me crab facts 02/28/99

🦀 Cool Links!! 🦀

🦀 SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!! 🦀

PLEASE sign my guestbook!!! It makes me very happy to hear from fellow crab enthusiasts!!

~*CrabLover42*~ — 03/06/99

Gerald your site is AMAZING!!! I showed my hermit crabs your crab facts page and I swear they were nodding. Keep up the great work!!! 🦀🦀🦀

Dave (BlueCrabFacts) — 03/04/99

Hey Gerald, great update on the coconut crab section. One small note: they can actually exert 740 PSI not 700 like you said. Otherwise A+ site as always buddy.

Sandra — 03/02/99

Gerald this is Sandra. Please come to bed. It's 2 AM and you've been updating this website for 5 hours. The crabs are fine. Buster is sleeping. Come to bed.

xXShellMasterXx — 02/28/99

Dude how do you know so much about crabs?? I thought I was a crab fan but you put me to shame. Subscribed to your mailing list!!

Sandra — 02/20/99

Gerald. The roof is leaking again. Please call the roofer instead of updating the crab diary. Love, Sandra.

Anonymous — 02/14/99

This is the most dedicated crab website I have ever seen. I mean that as both a compliment and a concern. 10/10.

CrustaceanKing88 — 02/09/99

Gerald I saw your post on the forum about carcinization and I have been thinking about it nonstop for 3 days. My wife is worried. Thank you.

✍️ SIGN THE GUESTBOOK!! Gerald reads every entry (at 2 AM)!!

🦀 The Crustacean Webring 🦀
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Since November 14, 1997
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Made with ❤️ and 🦀 by CrabMan (Gerald)
© 1997-1999 CrabMan's Crustacean Paradise
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crabman97@geocities.com | Back to Flickergooning

"In the end, we are all crabs walking sideways through life."
— Gerald "CrabMan" Hutchins, 1997